Intro
I did it. Took the leap into the point of no return. I quit my job. This was hard. Your body wants to reject things that go against homeostasis. A regular salary is the definition of human comfort. This may have been an incredibly stupid decision, but if I didn’t try giving my ideas a proper chance, that would be even more regrettable.
The point of my last job was to learn what it takes to build and scale something. Optimize learnings per month. See the techniques of those who have gone before me and adopt the practices of the craft for myself. I got that. I learned so much at this place and am forever grateful for this experience. But staying any longer would have built too much inertia for me to actually do the thing that I wanted to do. It was time to get the hell out. Time to throw my own punch.
Some people have a specific event that gives them the activation energy needed to make a big change in their lives. I didn’t have that. I was in a good spot, good pay, good prestige, well respected. But I had this internal mission pulling at me. I was distracted. My head was no longer at my current job, and no one was going to tell me to go quit my job and build what I want. I needed to muster up the agency to own the decision myself.
Common advice says to have a plan before making a high-risk move like this. Common advice says to have traction before making a high-risk move like this. But common advice will only get you common results. Fuck that.
As you start to walk on the way, the way appears
Rumi
So here I am. In the open ocean. Not yet at the point where I feel stranded. But we’ll see if that continues. This is my Rocky Balboa cut scene. These are the months (and maybe years) of hard work that no one will see when I become an overnight success later. See you there.
I quit my job for two reasons. To find myself again (boooo cliché) and to build something I believe the world desperately needs. I’m building a movement. Glad to have you along for the ride.
What the World Needs
The world needs stability. Or at least perceived stability. Fighting for world peace in a tumultuous world of polarizing geopolitics is indeed a noble pursuit. But that is unrealistic (sadly). Instead, I believe I can help people live a life resilient to these fear-inducing phenomena. Build a system for perceived stability while there is a constant barrage of negative external variables.
My weapon of choice? Mindfulness. Now, before you get the pitchforks and cancel me for commercializing ancient spiritual practices or feeding off vulnerable emotions, I’ve had my own mindfulness journey over the past 7 years.
The years leading up to college, I was super into this YouTuber, Arlin Moore. He was a guy who made party vlogs at Boston University. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be like this guy. Clearly, this signaled insecurity and a lack of confidence in my younger self. But can you blame me? How many of us were emotionally stable back when our minds were being nuked with new algorithms day after day (both from tech and the programming of our communities).
Anyway, in one of his videos he talked about Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now and meditation. He too had feelings of insecurity and anxiety. Manufactured internal stress. Self-sabotaging emotions. I thought to myself, Wow. I should try this out. So I downloaded a meditation app and got into mindfulness probably like most of you. 5 min guided practices with some omniscient voice telling me what to think.
As I soon entered a rigorous degree program in mechanical engineering. Meditation provided me the solace to manage stress and optimize focus. Over the years, I went in and out of a mindfulness routine. The classic productivity gurus would get me to do another stint after reminding me that my life was more turbulent than it should be. But nothing ever stuck.
The 5 min practices from meditation apps were not gratifying. Quite frankly, most sucked. They lacked accountability and felt generic. And whenever I’d fall out of the habit, I’d beat myself up. Not very mindful of me lol.
But I later found a practice that stuck.
Simply sit on a cushion in the same spot everyday. It doesn’t matter when. Just show up. And I no longer use a guided app, but instead a simple timer.
Why the change? I realized the power of meditation is not in clearing your mind. Not in suppressing your emotions. Its power comes from access to silence. The space to be bored. When we are left alone with our thoughts, we allow our minds to wander and explore. Much like when we were kids, we’d explore and discover new pockets of the neighborhood. New pockets of life. We had an insatiable curiosity that has waned in adulthood. But the curiosity (and in turn, creativity) can feed off a new form of exploration. One that is intrinsic.
So just show up. That’s it. The only condition is that I sit in one place for a set period of time. I will let my mind wander. And whenever I feel like it wanders too much. I return to my breath. I remember to observe my thoughts objectively rather than as absolute truths. Sometimes, I visualize myself on a grassy knoll or on the sands of a jagged coastline. As I look up into the imaginary sky behind closed eyelids, I view each thought as a cloud that comes into view and passes. Neither good nor bad. Impermanent.
Where am I going with this? Well, I’ve found solace in meditation over 7 years. I’ve even ventured into other mediums like Yoga, Breathwork, Qi Gong, Ecstatic Dance, and Reiki. I’ve gone on a few mindfulness retreats and each time I feel so incredibly primed to take over the world. I’ve even started going on my own self-guided retreats. It feels like the closest thing to black magic in the mortal world. A way to reprogram your mind.
But the catalyst that has prompted this new chapter was the fact that my mindfulness practice has often been reactionary. I do a retreat when I feel burnt out. I do breathwork when I’m stressed. It never comes before.
And that is where I’m targeting my efforts in this chapter of my journey. Mental fitness.
Mindfulness Data
I recently put out a survey about Mindfulness on Instagram. Thank you to everyone who contributed. Someone told me it was even a mindful exercise in and of itself to reflect through the survey. Meta-Mindfulness. Anyway, I got some really cool takeaways that I think are worth sharing:
100% of people who responded thought mindfulness was beneficial. But only 52% of people have a regular mindfulness practice
There was a distaste for the commercialization of mindfulness. And also the more mystical side of mindfulness (manifestation + vibes)
Majority approached mindfulness after negative feelings, never before
60% of the people who did not have a regular practice have never experienced flow state
72% of participants do not practice religion regularly - people seem to disconnect religion from mindfulness
75% of participants go to the gym regularly
First up, if mindfulness really is beneficial, then I think there’s something to be said about current practices not being sticky enough for normal people. How can I make something sticky? Will what works for me work for other people? Questions I shall implore over the next few weeks.
The commercialization of mindfulness was also an interesting point. And got me thinking about the paradox of gurus. People who prescribe anything are incentivized to continue prescribing you more things. Influencers are incentivized by holding onto your attention. This video from James Smith explains the misaligned incentives in many educational podcasts today. A related approach that I particularly appreciate is from Hinge. Their tagline is, The dating app designed to be deleted. So how can I set up a solution that doesn’t rely on future usage? We’ll see.
The most interesting piece was that people disconnect mindfulness from religion. I personally believe the two are intertwined. Prayer and your relationship with a higher being is essentially space to be alone if you look at it from an objective, mortal world viewpoint. The fact that fewer and fewer people are practicing religion points to a void in spiritualism and connection with self. I actually think religion will have a come back in the next few years.
Lastly, the fact that 75% of people go to the gym is a great signal that the majority of people care about improvement or maintenance of their physical body. But that’s only partial to the complete puzzle of human condition. Mental fitness is the other side. And boy is it neglected.
Mental Fitness Rebrand
Going to the gym is normal. In fact, it’s somewhat frowned upon if you don’t do some type of physical activity to take care of yourself. Our motives for the gym likely differ. Some want to perform at their sports better. Others want to bodybuild. Some people just want to look good. Whatever the motives are, a common thread across these archetypes is to go to the gym for maintenance. To take care of oneself.
That is what mental fitness is to me. Taking care of your mental health. Proactively. And what solutions currently exist when you get mentally out of shape? Therapy. I’m all for people getting therapy and professional treatment when they need it. But therapy implies that something is broken. You go to physical therapy when you are injured. Psychological therapy is great for the injured souls. But there doesn’t yet exist a concept for proactive maintenance of mental health.
Now, am I saying that everyone needs to go be a monk and meditate for hours each day to achieve enlightenment? Hell no. Monks are like the Olympic Athletes of mental fitness. They train in ideal conditions to achieve ideal results. But their practices are unrealistic for normal people to adopt. That said, there is certainly a version of their practice that is digestable for all.
I’m not entirely sure what form factor this looks like yet. But I strongly believe that mental fitness is a concept worth nurturing. It’s what the world needs. Especially as ideologies become more polarizing and attention becomes a more commoditized asset. A world with a mentally fit population is inherently better.
Reflections on Identity
Act I of this chapter is building something the world needs. Act II of this chapter is finding myself. Over time, I think I lost who I was. I was living the mold that people expected me to live. Living through the external programming of a suburban upbringing. I had to stop and ask myself, What did I enjoy as a kid? What is my nature? What am I naturally good at and enjoy?
My parents put me through art school when I was younger. I would always tinker with unrealistic ideas in my science fair projects (I even tried making a potato powered RC car). I’d build imaginary civilizations with Lego. I’d make ‘cinematic’ videos with nerf guns. In short, I liked putting new things into the world. Creating tangible things that did not exist before. That’s why I pursued mechanical engineering. It was a form of building. Backed by the artistic nature of math and science.
But recently, I found myself mindlessly playing a game that I didn’t want to play. I was no longer creating for the sake of creating. It was for some type of external validation. To be respected at work. To be considered high-status in my community. Whatever it was, it wasn’t me.
I believe the purpose of man is to express himself. Create art. It’s time to refine my artistic style. First, one must ask themself, what is the point of art? To evoke an emotion. To tell a story. Curate that again. With whatever you do. With vigor. I was meant to create art. Now it’s time to distill my unique style. Stay tuned.
Stream of Conscience
Here and there, I’ve been saving little bite-sized pieces of thinking to revisit later. These are mainly just reminders to myself through various mediums. Enjoy.
Whatever you do, do it with intensity.
Leaving a job on your accord is empowering. But the opposite is also true; equal in magnitude, opposite in direction. Feels like a breakup.
Spent a year and half at my old job - some people would likely get chewed up and spit out at this place. It’s not for everyone but I loved it. Replicate the energy. The intensity.
What loser wakes up at 5am? Yeah, so fucking do it.
The fear of judgement is an illusion. Just put things into the world.
One year of obsession will change your life.
Most people won’t do the uncomfortable. Do it yourself.
Willpower is a muscle. Don’t let it atrophy.
Hypothesis - Retreats will be the status signal of the future. Much like people showing off a physique, people will need a way to virtue signal their mental fortitude and gains.
Conclusion
I’m a bit at odds with the future of Otavio’s Odyssey. It’s not revenue generating (nor do I ever want it to be). But I have been catching myself in such a scarcity mindset now that my main income stream has been depleted. I keep finding myself questioning whether my time is better spent elsewhere rather than writing these for self-gratification.
I think this feeling is justified. No one wants to be a starving artist. That said, I find a lot of clarity from sitting down to write. This newsletter is a way for me to capture and distill my emotions over time. It’s also a way to reconnect and stay plugged into old relationships and streamline new ones. I believe there’s value in continuing with it. After all, I’d be writing in a journal anyway. Might as well publish. You never know who will stumble upon your writing.
So we’ll see what the next chapter of the Odyssey looks like. We’re approaching some treacherous waters. See you soon 🌊
Loved this one. Keep going!